Life with Two

Sometimes it’s easier….

We are now 3.5 months in to life with two kids and most days I still can’t believe that I am responsible for the lives of MULTIPLE little humans. In a lot of ways, the transition from 1 kid to 2 kids has been much easier for me. I mean, it is by no means easy, but let me try to explain…

When I was pregnant with Teddy, I knew my world was about to change, but I had no idea how that would feel. Before you have kids, I don’t think it’s possible to know. When he arrived, as much as I loved him and was so happy to be his mom, my world was rocked. I had to get used to being on call basically 24/7. There was very little downtime and even if there was a free moment….it was often spent worrying or thinking about him. I mourned the loss of body autonomy (hello breastfeeding) and the ability to do what I wanted/when I wanted. My marriage changed – the hours we spent together focused mostly on our child. “Is he teething? What did his poop look like today?” I really missed our impromptu happy hours and weekend getaways…or even just sitting together and reading quietly.

Eventually things got easier. Once Teddy started sleeping independently and then when I cut back to only nursing once or twice a day, I started to get glimmers of my old self. We were able to go out on more date nights. I ran a marathon. I started working more. But it was still hard. And very, very different from before.

However, when we added a second little nugget to our family, it just wasn’t quite as shocking. I hadn’t had much of a break from breastfeeding (a whopping 7 months…but dang they were a GREAT 7 months), so the mechanics of it were still fresh. We are already used to waking up early, limiting social events, and generally just living that “parent lifestyle.” When I became a mom for the first time, the amount of selflessness required was so very challenging to adjust to. When you add more kids, I think, at least, that aspect is easier.

But logistically, things can feel HARD.

When we only had one kiddo, we could tag team parenting. If I wanted to go for a long run or if I needed to do work on the weekend or if Teddy was having a tough night, Brian could step in and parent while giving me some space. With two kids, that’s harder. Whether it’s feeding the kids, dressing them, or putting them to sleep, now we usually each end up taking one. I usually take on Evelyn the majority of the time (because breastfeeding) while Brian is on Teddy duty. Sometimes Brian has to work late or I have book club and one parent handles both kids, but it’s just a lot harder now. Tomorrow morning I have to take Teddy to an 8:30am appointment and I am already stressing about how I am going to get us all fed, dressed, out the door, and in the car by 8am (Brian has to leave early for work, so I’ll be solo for most of the morning). It feels like someone always needs something and it’s not easy to figure out what to prioritize. A screaming 3-month-old that needs to eat? A 2.5 year old that is doing something dangerous like playing with scissors (or “sharps” as he calls them)? My own overly full bladder or writing deadline? Anyway, life just feels busier these days. Non-stop, really. Parents of multiple kids – I’m sure you know this feeling.

Body Autonomy

On one hand, I feel very lucky to be able to breastfeed. I haven’t had any supply or latch issues with Evelyn and because I had breastfed Teddy so recently (lololol he hasn’t even been weaned a whole year), nursing was pretty much a non-issue this time around. Sure, I still had a bit of pain in the beginning, some engorgement, some annoying leaking…but I knew what to expect. Most of the time I love the bond (and relative logistical ease) that breastfeeding provides. No formula to buy, no bottles to wash (more or less…E gets a few bottles of pumped milk a week). On the other hand, I am wistful for my freedom. I am envious of moms who can go on a business trip or a long run or a girls night out and not have to worry about their supply dipping or pumping or managing frozen milk. It is a lot of responsibility to be the sole source of food for a little babe…and sometimes that is scary. I’ve been having anxiety dreams where I find myself on a long plane trip or trapped somewhere (like a concert or movie….) with out my pump or my baby. I also find myself getting frustrated in the evenings when I want to do things like…cook dinner (I actually like doing this!). Brian will happily take Evelyn, but sometimes all she wants is the boob. I ended up feeling trapped while I sit on the couch and nurse her, wishing I could have a bit of a break. I know it will get easier when we introduce solids around 6 months…and easier still when she can have cow’s milk around her first birthday. But man, I didn’t miss this lack of body autonomy.

Running

Running hasn’t been too exciting lately, but I have mostly been feeling good! I’ve had some SI joint weirdness and neck/back tightness, mostly due to fluctuating hormones and the rigors of #momlife (picking up babies, hunched over nursing positions, carrying car seats, etc). I’ve been seeing a chiropractor regularly and have had 2 (!) sports massages and they have helped tremendously. I wish I had more time to devote to strength/PT exercises, but until I get more hours in the day, I’ll just do what I can. I’ve been logging mostly 3-4 mile runs, primarily on the treadmill. I know some people hate the treadmill, but I see it as a tool. It’s better than nothing, right? And with unpredictable sleep, a baby too young for a jogging stroller, and the logistics of breastfeeding, sometimes my only option is an indoor run at the YMCA or on our basement treadmill. I’ve also logged 2x 7-mile runs and one 8.5-ish mile run. They felt hard, but good! Hoping for a double-digit long run before the end of 2018.

We were traveling for Thanksgiving and I had hoped to sign up for a local turkey trot, but the logistics just didn’t work out. Instead, I ran a solo 5k in a hotel parking lot. It was boring, but I actually felt decent. I finished around 24:08 or ~7:40 pace.

I’m currently signed up for the New Jersey Half in April (I was signed up this spring, but deferred because I was pregnant and it’s kind of a long drive to run a race just for fun). I also pulled the trigger and signed up for the 2019 Chicago 2019 marathon. Ahh! I have no idea what kind of time goals I’ll have for these two races. Definitely not PR attempts, but I enjoy the process of training and racing; it makes me feel like myself. So we’ll see…at the very least it’s nice to have a goal race on the calendar.

This post was a bit of a brain dump/babble, but that’s the way my mind’s been operating lately, I guess. Some days I feel like I’ve got things under control – I manage a run and a shower and a few hours of work…but that usually means the house is a mess and Teddy eats frozen French fries for dinner (yup, that was last night!). Other days are a complete sh*t show all around. I’m realizing in this busy season of life that I can’t do ALL OF THE THINGS, all of the time, so it’s just about figuring out what I really care about (a 30-minute run for my sanity! A hot cup of coffee with a friend.) and letting go of things that aren’t a priority (sorry, mall santa, we won’t be making a visit this year).

But even when I’m stressed and things feel hard, I’m so very grateful for this family.

If you have any tips or tricks for handling this crazy holiday season with kids or…training for races while breastfeeding…I’d love to hear them! Those are my two pain points right now and I could use all the help I can get.